i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
