woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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