not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
