Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
