is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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