She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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