I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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