i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
