Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
