I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
