Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
