so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
