I'm going to jail i love you
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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