his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
