I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
