We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
