I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
