I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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