well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
