wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woke up backwards on a recliner
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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