People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
