yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
