I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
