You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
