Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
