There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
