the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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