1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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