so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
its not stalking. its research.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
