You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
