Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
