I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
