I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
