shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
