So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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