craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
