I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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