I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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