TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
