Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
