insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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