So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
