i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
