I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
