My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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