Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
