have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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