I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
