I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
