cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
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If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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