It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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