eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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