T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize