My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
