And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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