she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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