This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
