everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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