Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
