my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
