so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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