my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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