what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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