i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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